Whatever shows up in our life is our spiritual practice.  It isn’t as if one is exercising their spirituality only when praying or meditating or repeating a mantra and then just a regular person in day to day life. As you become more aligned body and spirit, you see that the experiences you are undergoing, no matter how awful or catastrophic, are the opportunities given to grow you spiritually. It is our spiritual lives that actually bring to us these experiences.

Sometimes, the mind wants to convince us that we are doing something wrong “because otherwise life would be peaceful or only good things would happen.”  If we were always comfortable, we wouldn’t have the impetus to grow – we could sleepwalk through life and believe that we are merely here to enjoy a physical existence.

It is exactly the sand irritating the oyster that creates the most precious pearl. And it is exactly in the handling and transcending of life’s most painful situations that we can surrender to a greater Presence within ourselves. It has been called the ‘peace that passes all understanding’.

I have had my share of painful losses the past couple of years. After repeatedly swimming in the pool of my emotionality from these losses, I am finally reaching the shore and seeing that the pearl is indeed forming. Most of my life, I have struggled to understand why we lose everything in this life and what remains beyond those losses. My mind screams, “What’s the point?” Often I have approached each new loss with that attitude and the limited understanding of a wounded inner child and a seemingly small, small self.

I think the whole time God has been patiently coaxing me to surrender: “Quit trying to control the outer life – just surrender and you will see that there is something greater moving through this”. To get to this Presence, requires a going into the pain. One must face that instinctual avoidance of what can feel like a black hole and quiet the mind of its relentless limited story. You have to walk into the scary room, sit down and say, “Okay, show me what you’ve got. I am willing to be with you”.

When we don’t surrender into the pain and allow our experiences to move through, to change us and deepen us, then they get stuck inside; perhaps showing up later as an illness or a pattern repeated. One’s power is diminished and life can become an experience of just being a body instead of allowing the essence of God to become manifest within our lives.

Last night I had a dream of being with my mom. My mom died over a year ago. In the dream, I was lying on the bed with her as she was dying. I was crying and asking her not to die. I looked down at my feet right next to hers on the bed.  I showed my mom how much my feet looked like her feet. We are both walking our paths. I felt awash in a complete connection to her, completely loving and loved. Though I grieved for the loss of her in this dream, I felt no separation just an acceptance of the cycle of life and death. I woke up feeling light and healed. The pearl is becoming more and more polished.

We are here to know God within us. End of story. To be able to gaze upon the astounding beauty that surrounds you even in the midst of the greatest losses allows you to be filled with what remains. The paradox of the impermanence of this life is the medicine that gives us the experience of what is eternal. There is incredible peace and love at the bottom of that black hole.

Reverend Juli Somers is the Director of The Center For Inner Truth.  She can be reached at 920-4418 or revjuli@newmexico.com.