Change is not always an easy thing to embrace. Though we may really want to improve certain aspects of our lives or ourselves, often we resist the process that change sometimes demands of us. The grooves of past habits can seem too deep to overcome. And in order to fill in those grooves with new, more conscious choices we are asked to leave our comfort zones. We glance back at the familiar with a longing for the sense of safety that it once gave us and look ahead to the unknown with fear and distrust. What if a caterpillar refused to come out its cocoon? We would be short a lot of beautiful butterflies in the world.
Discomfort mistakenly becomes our measuring stick of whether something is working or not. Yet discomfort is often part of the process of realizing that we have outgrown a certain belief or behavior. The cocoon can be a tough skin to shed before the butterfly frees itself into a new life. Once while meeting with his students, spiritual teacher Krishnamurti paused and asked the audience, “Do you want to know what my secret is?” While everyone eagerly waited to be let in on some great secret to enlightenment, he proceeded with, “You see, I don’t mind what happens”.
Not minding what happens is a state of complete equanimity with life and a state of non-resistance to what is. From this perspective our discomfort or suffering comes from our resistance to the present moment just as it is. The one undeniable thing about the present moment is that it is how it is. Wanting the present moment to be different than it is constitutes crazy thinking – but how often do we do just that?
I recently caught myself resisting what was presented before me. When I am resisting I am usually pretty obvious with it – to me and everyone around me – but this time it was subtle and harder to catch myself at it. I thought I had a clear agreement with someone around some work they were doing for me. When it was time for them to fulfill their end of the agreement, the person expressed dissatisfaction at what they had agreed to and a desire to change it. I responded in a fairly neutral way but found myself mulling it over in my mind for hours. There I was in resistance.
When I am resisting what is happening, the possibility of a win/win solution doesn’t appear to exist. I felt like a politician! Once I realized my resistance I wondered how this opportunity was asking me to grow. In this particular situation, I decided to let go of the story that my mind kept recreating to see what was being triggered on a deeper level. I felt disappointed and powerless in the situation. When I could just have my feelings without making either one of us wrong, I started to feel better and my resistance evaporated.
I suddenly had a lot of space around what was happening and I knew in my heart that what was most important was for both of us to feel good about what we agreed to. There was nothing I had to do to fix it, just take care of my own consciousness. If it doesn’t feel good to me then it is shining a light on something I need to heal inside – not fix outside. Reach for the higher ground and allow myself to evolve! It is said that we are either operating out of love or out of fear. I so clearly experienced how fear constricted my energy. When I was able to return to the love inside of me, there was no problem.
We are all encountering opportunities to become enlightened at a faster pace these days. If I want to change, and I do, then I can only be grateful to be seeing myself more clearly despite any discomfort in that process. When I am in that place of not minding what is happening, not resisting what is, I am at peace. All is eternally well.
~Juli Somers, Executive Director