My friend Donna recently shared a Hasidic story with me. A disciple asked the rabbi why it said in the Torah that God placed the teachings on the heart of man; why did he not place it IN the heart since God had the power to do anything. The rabbi responded that God knew that only when the heart breaks, can the teaching truly enter.
Life breaks us open repeatedly. Sometimes it is from a simple kindness, sometimes it is from a loss. Whether we are broken down by what is happening or broken open is a choice. I just talked to a dear friend whose beloved dog passed away. A month out, I still hear the sadness in her voice. She described to me the altar that she created honoring a life well lived. I was touched by her willingness to simply be present with her heartbreak and all the resulting feelings. Grief is a natural response for losing what we value.
To allow our hearts to break open is a radical act. It requires turning a deaf ear to the voices that beckon you back to the surface where things make sense. Often it is the very act of moving out of ‘sense’ that leads one to an expansion of receiving the light. When we refuse to let go into what the present moment is offering up, we end up recreating the past. We come to see that when loss, heartbreak, or any form of anguish knocks on our door there is a blessing on the other side. It is always a choice to open the door and invite in fully the opportunity that resides within and beyond pain. Each knock hearkens us to move closer to our essential self, to God, to the vitality that moves through all of creation.
Winter is such a wonderful time of introspection. I am always moved by the deep quiet that a blanket of snow seems to create. On a crisp clear night, the moon and stars draw my attention upward; how miniscule I feel, how insignificant. Yet at the same time it is the ineffable presence within me that is able to experience the presence around me. I feel a connectedness and peace as I slow down to commune with this still, cold season.
We live in a culture that is heavy on intellect, activity, and intolerant of emotions. To be present with our emotions requires us to slow down and go within. We do what we can to avoid those broken hearts choosing instead to numb ourselves with unconscious choices. It isn’t easy or comfortable to sit in the deeper darker places of the soul without looking for the nearest exit. It takes a commitment to accepting ourselves and all our experiences as perfect in the imperfection.
Sometimes I hear clients or students in a hurry to get rid of something that is causing pain. There is beauty in every state – even in our suffering. Dare I say that when you take presence to the hardest of times, each moment can be a rich experience. It becomes just another state of being, to explore and eventually to awaken you. “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves” says Rilke.
It can be painstakingly slow to sift through the parts of ourselves that lead us away from living with an open heart. But the rewards are greater depth and an intimate communion with one self and life. To make friends with a life that is in a constant state of flux we first have to make friends with ourselves. You have to start where you are. Because wherever you are – whatever painful emotion or challenging life experience you encounter – there is a diamond there waiting to be unearthed and brought to the light. That diamond is the very essence of God manifest in you.
~Rev Juli Somers