What an exhilarating time to be alive! If you are paying a little bit of attention you are probably noticing things getting shaken up a bit personally and globally. If you are paying a lot of attention you are probably observing that life as we have known it is changing unequivocally and a new paradigm is coming into form. Not only are things speeding up considerably, but all the foundations that one depends on to feel secure are being shaken up; the economy, the political scene, the earth to name a few. And then it filters down into our personal lives in various ways. I am appreciating the lack of separation between the worlds at this time; the veil is very thin as they say. The challenge is to shift your focus to the tremendous spiritual growth available and the possibilities that can emerge as the old structures begin to tumble and fall. Whatever appears to be happening outside of you is actually an opportunity to turn within and heal those very counterparts inside.

One thing I noticed is that this shifting of foundation is bringing a lot of ‘stuff’ up for people. Those old skeletons in the closet are rattling the doorknobs and our shadow sides are wanting out into the light. The invisible is demanding visibility.  This is actually a very good thing. It’s a time for great healing and transformation requiring a willingness to let go of how we think things should be and an allowing for new ways of being.

The caution here is blaming other people, personally and within structures, for our misery. It is so tempting but so misguided. As a people, we need to move beyond our attachment to being right and choose compassion instead; for ourselves and for others. A friend of mine has a practice that when he has trouble feeling peaceful about someone, he asks himself ‘What is it in me that won’t let me see the Divine in that person?” Responsible is our response-ability. We all get to choose our responses internally and externally.

You really aren’t a victim to how you feel. You choose it. Which choice makes you feel good? If your choice doesn’t make you feel good, keep weeding out your internal responses until you create an atmosphere of peace inside of you. You can’t fix anyone else. We all struggle, we all suffer and we all make mistakes. And at the end of the day, we are all Divine.  See beyond the hurtful behavior of someone and say hello to the eternal spirit in that body. You never know what a person is carrying. Give tenderness instead of returning rudeness. Make your response-ability a conscious choice again and again. Exhibit a behavior that makes you feel good about you.

When we blame something outside of us for our circumstances we let someone else or something else be in charge of our peace. You can blame the economy, blame the president, blame your partner, your teacher or the person who just looked at you sideways. Ultimately, the experience is inside of you. Maybe you feel inadequate or powerless in your life so it’s easier to let someone else determine how you feel. Isn’t it time to give up that old outdated victim mentality?  Forgive yourself for not being perfect and then forgive others the same. Decide that you don’t have to be right and make someone else wrong; maybe it is more important to spread peace in the world. True power is knowing who you are and that the powers of creation flow through you. Know Thyself.

Life is a fluid dance.  Just when you think you know the steps, a new one gets thrown into the mix – you lose your job or a relationship ends.  Nothing stays the same.  You can wait forever for the ‘perfect’ job or partner until you realize that perfection is a fantasy.  Maybe what the moment is offering is perfection in the truest sense.

Watch the earth closely and you see millions of daily changes that occur.  We think it’s solid and stable until a tsunami hits and devastates a whole country.  The only dance that is real is the dance of living fully in each moment.  How do we give ourselves 100% to the dance?  Each day offers us new and unchartered territory.  Only we can choose the familiar known limits or whether to take a risk beyond our judgments and preconceptions.  Jump.  We can leap courageously off that eternal precipice or we can stay at the edge and wait forever for the perfect situation or person that doesn’t require us to change.  It’s a long wait.  It’s called eternity.

Life is to be lived passionately.  Love is to be expressed whole heartedly.  And each one of us longs to find our own unique and authentic expression of that creative source from which everything comes.  What moves your soul?  What enlivens you to shout YES in the darkest night?  What do you long for in those moments of stillness?  It’s inside of you.  I began this article with the intention of telling you that we are moving into a new space and to please join us in celebrating our change and expansion.  But sometimes you just have to go with that wild hair and jump.  May you jump in the way that leads you beyond your judgments and feel that unseen hand forever guiding you to the next ledge to light upon.  But rest there gently, a new change may be just starting to call your name.

I know an astrologer who speaks in terms of winter cycles and summer cycles and how we are always moving in and out of both. In a winter cycle life feels like it has stopped and one experiences restriction and limits. A summer cycle contains more expansive energy and movement. Last year I felt like a snowball in the dead of winter continually picking up speed and girth as I rolled down one rough hill of losses after another. If that doesn’t make you surrender I don’t know what will. However as the global world continued to shift and deconstruct during the beginning of this year, a very different energy was coming in for me; a lightness that seemed to be purposely hiding from me the previous year. I woke up one morning and noted that the inner snow was indeed melting and yes, the sun was beginning to shine through.

If we didn’t go through these winter cycles, we couldn’t get the gifts that come as a result. Sometimes I feel like a lump of clay on the wheel of life relentlessly spinning to see what I can become. Yet there is only one thing to become and that is me. I learned a lot about resistance this past year and how it is, to me, the antithesis of self-love.  Resistance is a striving against what is; nonresistance is seeing things as they are instead of the way you want them to be. Which one do you think brings misery?

My mantra has become ‘God does not make mistakes’ whenever something occurs in my life that I don’t understand and particularly like. My trust is deeper after this past year, that if it is happening it is right and I don’t have to understand it. It does help if I can bring myself to accept the events and my responses to them with compassion no matter how uncomfortable it makes me, knowing that it is the way of the universe to keep me on my path and grow my soul. Indeed I have found the summer is always present within the winter cycles because God is always present within me. Nothing can take that away. How loved I am! How loved we all are!

Another thing I experienced is that even when something feels insurmountable it will change.  My grief had an end. And what remained was the love that was always within me. A healer told me many years ago when I was grieving the loss of a relationship that we can’t really lose anyone. I got it on one level back then and now I know how true it is. When you accept that we live beyond more than this time/space reality, you see that we can’t possibly escape eachother!

We are all woven together within a beautiful tapestry where spirit is the thread that creates and sustains all life. What a gift this life is….which reminds me of daffodils. I love daffodils. They are one of the first courageous flowers to poke their heads out even before spring really arrives. That bright, bright yellow color screaming joyfully ‘WE ARE ALIVE’; reminding us all that underneath the hard ground of winter there is infinite life just waiting to transform us. Be of good cheer!

Someone asked me at a community fair recently if spiritual healings are just for physical problems. The beauty of spiritual healings is they affect change on all levels. Different perhaps then a simple removing of symptoms, this type of healing goes to the core of an issue and affects change in one’s energy, consciousness, and ultimately, one’s life.

My analogy is when you plant a seed it takes root underground before manifesting as a particular plant above ground. Whatever you are experiencing in your life first took root on a deeper level; could be stemming from an old traumatic experience that was never totally released or a belief that came in at a young age that doesn’t serve your well being or even some energy brought in from a past life. This can show up present day on any level. It may appear in your life as a body issue or even an inability to manifest the kind of relationship or career you want. If you just remove the ‘symptoms’ without addressing the root cause, it will return again in the same or different form. Ever pull out a weed but don’t get all the roots? Then you know what I’m talking about – it sprouts right back up.

Picture a buoy. It is designed to float and has a built-in ability that propels it to the surface when it gets submerged. Life is designed to heal us; kind of a cosmic buoy. Whatever you do that doesn’t support your wholeness or isn’t in alignment with your purpose as a spiritual being, will surface as some challenge in your life.  In Kabbalah, the term is Tikkun, which means correction. The universe, like any good parent, is directing us back onto our path of greatest transformation.

I was giving a healing to a woman at our weekly healing clinic at the Co-op the other day. She asked for a healing on her lungs and cough. I shared with her that I saw a lot of emotional congestion; regrets and past energies not released or forgiven. During the healing she coughed a lot which was unsettling for her. When we finished, she shared that often she notices with successful healings that she doesn’t cough at all while they are happening.

I responded that things sometimes appear to get worse before they get better. The tendency can be to resist or judge what is happening in that kind of situation but it might be the means by which the blockage gets released. I don’t know what someone needs to experience before they can fully have a healing, but I trust that whatever is happening is perfect in the moment. As a healer, I know that ultimately the healing is out of my hands.

We can all be healers no matter the profession. The energy behind what you do affects everything and everyone around you. Infuse what you are doing with love. Spontaneously tell someone what you find beautiful about them. Give a smile to the person who looks like they just ate a sour lemon. Be the sun peeking through a cloudy day – maybe they walk away and become the sun to everyone else they encounter that day. Suddenly the world is a brighter place. If you need to be reminded of your sun-giving ability, come to the healing clinic for a tune-up or take a class to learn life changing tools to create a better world inside and out. Be of good cheer.

During an acupuncture session recently, a needle was put into me at the “Lazarus” point. Roughly, this point is to help bring you back from the dead or as I interpreted it for myself since I wasn’t technically dead, to bring in new life. Needless to say, I was excited about the possibilities of that little painful point and all I could think was – bring it on.

And I have felt the stirrings of new life lately, gloriously and joyfully. Not from any outer experience happening, because really there is no ‘outer’ experience – life is only experienced inside of us. This experience of new life for me has entered as subtly as the aspens changed colors this fall.  It started with a little yellow here and there increasing as the weeks went by. Now I marvel as each new venture outside provides a new and bigger explosion of color.  Such is the rekindling of life sometimes.

If you read my article in the last newsletter, that one was about entering the darkness. And enter the darkness I did.  I experienced a greater release of old beliefs and patterns as a result. As we keep increasing our energy levels with this evolutionary leap the world is taking, we need to allow ourselves the space for however our healing steps arise. Perhaps like the ‘mush’ state that precedes the caterpillar becoming the butterfly. Everything that needs to happen will happen in the process of our transformation. And everything that is happening is necessary for that transformation. Might as well just lie back and enjoy the mush when that is what is present.

The real day to day practice is to greet all experiences with equanimity knowing they are neither good nor bad. Our minds may attach a meaning to what is happening, but that doesn’t make the story true. Energy is neutral.  And the nature of energy is movement. Why be attached to anything that comes up in the way of thought, feeling, or experience because it will all pass anyway? Ultimately, if we remove the judgment about what is happening it just translates into life. As Eckhart Tolle says, we are life.  So we get to constantly BE life experiencing life.

When we judge the goodness or badness of an experience we limit how that new life may want to come in.  The truth of the matter is that it’s all good stuff. Doesn’t mean it’s easy or that you won’t need support as you journey through the changes. Most of us tend to enjoy summer more than winter; the warmth, nature at its fullest.  Yet no cycle is less important than another. When we experience the harshest of winter it ultimately provides us with more flowers and vibrant green in the warmer seasons.  It is the same with our internal cycles. Everything has its purpose.

What helped my recent renewal of life energy was surrendering to what my healing process put on my plate. Surrender doesn’t mean a giving up but an inner allowing for life to have its movement. A good practice is to be aware of when you are creating a story about what is happening and drop it. Deepen into what you are experiencing within and just be present. It is simple really except that the mind loves a good story. And the mind also takes seriously its job of protecting us by creating fear, reliving the past, and convincing us to limit any moves in new directions. To that I say “thank you” and I believe I am ready to pull a Lazarus.

We all hold a piece of what needs to be healed in humanity.  As we expand in consciousness and live the truth of who we are as spirit, we carry the torch for all of us on our journey home. Truly as we heal ourselves, we heal the whole of the world that resides within us.

When I was a child growing up in rural Wisconsin, we had a root cellar on the side of the house. I had a love/hate relationship with going into it. I was very fearful of the darkness inside of it devoid of even a drop of light. On the other hand, I was always drawn to go into it because I loved the deep earthy smell. That sweet smell seemed to seep into the cells of my soul and bring me great peace and comfort. Again and again, I would get a flashlight and muster up the courage to traipse down into the cellar and just stand and smell the earth.

I have been going down into my internal root cellar lately. I tiptoe into the darkness, those parts of me that bring me pain, and bravely shine the light into that darkness that seems devoid of light. The rich earthy smell that comforted me in childhood is today more like a state of grace I experience when I simply drop into a deep presence with these places.  You see, light not only illuminates the darkness but the darkness elucidates the light.  When we push away our own darknesses – in whatever form they take – we miss the opportunity to discover that underneath both the light and dark is purely the experience of God.

I find that the deeper I go on my spiritual path, the greater darkness I sometimes encounter. All those unconscious places that have tricked me into believing, maybe for lifetimes, that I am separate from God. I’ve given up the fantasy that life is meant to comfortable. I think instead I am meant to be comfortable with life. To surrender to being present with whatever is showing up – ah, now that has a rich, earthy smell to it.

A compassionate way to dance with the darkness within is to greet it all with love. You can look upon anything that you stumble into – grief, anger, judgment, or negativity as an opportunity to let in more light. That is what darkness does, it simply holds the space for light. That light is love. It is who you are and what you came from, and what you will return to.

Try looking at the painful places and stories that take you out of the present moment and say ‘I love you’. Practice unconditional acceptance of all that you encounter on the path as an important part of the journey. Otherwise it wouldn’t be there. Know that it is the very darkness you may want to push away or run from that is providing a means for the Light to come through.

It is for all of us then to hold the torch for the beautiful beings that we are, not in spite of the darkness you encounter, but hand in hand with it. Seeing yourself clearly means loving all the parts of you just as God does; loving the dark as well as the light. The depth of any pain arising that you are able to hold with loving presence will create the space for an equal depth of joy and peace. And the beauty is that whatever love you take to your own healing process then ripples out into the collective consciousness.

When you are taking the flashlight into the cellar of your mind, heart, or spirit and it seems like the little light you are carrying can’t possibly penetrate enough of the darkness – stop and smell the richness of that damp, dark space. Feel the breath of God whispering in your ear ‘I love you and am with you always’. The real healing is in just being present with the totality of All That Is. “God saw all that he had made, and it was very good”.

My friend Donna recently shared a Hasidic story with me. A disciple asked the rabbi why it said in the Torah that God placed the teachings on the heart of man; why did he not place it IN the heart since God had the power to do anything. The rabbi responded that God knew that only when the heart breaks, can the teaching truly enter.

Life breaks us open repeatedly. Sometimes it is from a simple kindness, sometimes it is from a loss. Whether we are broken down by what is happening or broken open is a choice. I just talked to a dear friend whose beloved dog passed away.  A month out, I still hear the sadness in her voice. She described to me the altar that she created honoring a life well lived. I was touched by her willingness to simply be present with her heartbreak and all the resulting feelings. Grief is a natural response for losing what we value.

To allow our hearts to break open is a radical act. It requires turning a deaf ear to the voices that beckon you back to the surface where things make sense. Often it is the very act of moving out of ‘sense’ that leads one to an expansion of receiving the light. When we refuse to let go into what the present moment is offering up, we end up recreating the past. We come to see that when loss, heartbreak, or any form of anguish knocks on our door there is a blessing on the other side. It is always a choice to open the door and invite in fully the opportunity that resides within and beyond pain. Each knock hearkens us to move closer to our essential self, to God, to the vitality that moves through all of creation.

Winter is such a wonderful time of introspection. I am always moved by the deep quiet that a blanket of snow seems to create.  On a crisp clear night, the moon and stars draw my attention upward; how miniscule I feel, how insignificant. Yet at the same time it is the ineffable presence within me that is able to experience the presence around me. I feel a connectedness and peace as I slow down to commune with this still, cold season.

We live in a culture that is heavy on intellect, activity, and intolerant of emotions. To be present with our emotions requires us to slow down and go within. We do what we can to avoid those broken hearts choosing instead to numb ourselves with unconscious choices. It isn’t easy or comfortable to sit in the deeper darker places of the soul without looking for the nearest exit. It takes a commitment to accepting ourselves and all our experiences as perfect in the imperfection.

Sometimes I hear clients or students in a hurry to get rid of something that is causing pain. There is beauty in every state – even in our suffering. Dare I say that when you take presence to the hardest of times, each moment can be a rich experience.  It becomes just another state of being, to explore and eventually to awaken you. “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves” says Rilke.

It can be painstakingly slow to sift through the parts of ourselves that lead us away from living with an open heart. But the rewards are greater depth and an intimate communion with one self and life. To make friends with a life that is in a constant state of flux we first have to make friends with ourselves. You have to start where you are. Because wherever you are – whatever painful emotion or challenging life experience you encounter – there is a diamond there waiting to be unearthed and brought to the light. That diamond is the very essence of God manifest in you.

I recently returned from a trip to Brazil and the Casa de Dom Ignacio where spiritual healer John of God offers his work. It was my seventh visit to the Casa. Each trip has been a meaningful experience on my spiritual path and always provides me with a next step on my healing journey.

While at the Casa, I had a spiritual surgery. When receiving a surgery like this you sit in a room with many other people. Spirits come in from another dimension and assist those in a physical body with what they want to heal.

The first thing I felt during this healing was a spiritual entity enveloping me in love to a degree I have never experienced before. As I became infused with that powerful energy, different body feelings and memories of how alone and unsupported I had felt in my life came into my awareness. I felt this Being transmitting to me just how loved I was. I also had the knowing of how supported I have always been on my journey; that any feelings of not having support had been just an illusion. Yet that picture had affected me much of my life.

I grew up in a family where I felt unsupported. Most memories of childhood were of profound loneliness and a lack of feeling loved. And because of that, a picture was formed within me (thoughts and feelings attached to a mental image) that I didn’t have any support. Throughout much of my life, I would create and encounter scenarios where I experienced feeling unsupported.  Each situation that occurred would confirm my belief.

What we perceive, we receive. I often say that I see life as a great ‘yes’ machine. Whatever vibration or energy I am putting out, I will receive back to me in experience. If my picture of reality is that I am unsupported, life can’t come back to me any other way. That is the lens I am looking through and that is what I will see of life. Just like when you take a picture on your camera. The image that gets captured is the one you focus the camera on. It has nothing to do with reality. As I become more aware of the internal lens I am looking at life through, I give myself a choice to change my perceptions.

When these pictures and unconscious beliefs have been with us a long time, they gather a lot of weight and can feel very familiar. Over the years, I have witnessed myself identifying less with that picture I described and as a result, I am able to feel support in my life. In the work at the Center we call it ‘peeling the onion’. You heal it layer by layer until it is de-energized. When you clear the charge on the picture it no longer controls your reality. It becomes a neutral memory.

I invite you to become aware of a picture you have had since childhood. Probably it will be easy to come up with but if it isn’t, what is a reoccurring thought or theme that causes you unhappiness in your life? It might happen often or just once in a while. Look at the message this affirms about reality. Reflect on all the times that life has seemed to confirm this belief. What if it was actually the picture inside of you that attracted to you those outer circumstances? Because again, the outer image that appears is as a result of what your inner camera focuses on.

Now simply create a picture in your mind of what you want to affirm about your reality; love, support, abundance, etc. When you find yourself drifting back to the old picture, consciously turn the lens in this new direction. Believe it to be true even if it hasn’t shown up in your life yet. The reality is we are blessed beyond measure and have more support and love than we can possibly imagine. Healing comes when you shine a light on these inner pictures that take you away from love. Change the picture and you will change your life.

Sometimes the mind wants to convince us that we are doing something wrong otherwise life would be peaceful or only “good” things would happen. If we were always comfortable, we wouldn’t have the impetus to grow – we could sleepwalk through life and believe that we are merely here to enjoy a physical existence.

It is exactly the sand irritating the oyster that creates the most precious pearl.  And it is exactly in the handling and transcending of life’s most painful situations that we can surrender to a greater Presence within ourselves. It has been called the ‘peace that passes all understanding’.

I have had my share of painful losses the past couple of years. After repeatedly swimming in the pool of my emotionality from these losses, I am finally reaching the shore and seeing that the pearl is indeed forming. Most of my life, I have struggled to understand why we lose everything in this life and what remains beyond those losses. My mind screams, “What’s the point?” Often I have approached each new loss with that attitude and the limited understanding of a wounded inner child and a seemingly small, small self.

I think the whole time God has been patiently coaxing me to surrender: “Quit trying to control the outer life – just surrender and you will see that there is something greater moving through this”. To get to this Presence, requires a going into the pain. One must face that instinctual avoidance of what can feel like a black hole and quiet the mind of its relentless limited story. You have to walk into the scary room, sit down and say, “Okay, show me what you’ve got. I am willing to be with you”.

When we don’t surrender into the pain and allow our experiences to move through, to change us and deepen us, then they get stuck inside; perhaps showing up later as an illness or a pattern repeated.  One’s power is diminished and life can become an experience of just being a body instead of allowing the essence of God to become manifest within our lives.

Last night I had a dream of being with my mom. My mom died over a year ago. In the dream, I was lying on the bed with her as she was dying. I was crying and asking her not to die. I looked down at my feet right next to hers on the bed.  I showed my mom how much my feet looked like her feet. We are both walking our paths. I felt awash in a complete connection to her, completely loving and loved. Though I grieved for the loss of her in this dream, I felt no separation just an acceptance of the cycle of life and death. I woke up feeling light and healed. The pearl is becoming more and more polished.

We are here to know God within us. End of story. To be able to gaze upon the astounding beauty that surrounds you even in the midst of the greatest losses allows you to be filled with what remains. The paradox of the impermanence of this life is the medicine that gives us the experience of what is eternal. There is incredible peace and love at the bottom of that black hole. And only light.

Our lives are always giving us the perfect circumstances to grow ourselves. When something is happening that doesn’t appear to be the way my ego wants it to be, I ask myself how I want to be in relationship to what is happening. What is the end result I want? Are my internal reactions and/or outer actions helping to create this end result or taking me further away from it? Everything provides an opportunity to make a choice from wisdom and love.

The trick is to not get caught up in the judgments of whatever is happening, instead to look at how the situation is asking you to grow. That requires a pulling one’s awareness out of what is happening and bringing it back inside to simply be present with the thoughts and feelings that are arising. Under those thoughts and feelings are usually pictures or concepts of how life should look. Accepting exactly what is happening without judgment can seem impossible initially. The first step is to have total acceptance of your own process. Acknowledge all the feelings and give them voice inside of you. Acknowledge the thoughts that are giving life to those feelings. This requires no action. You can relax in the knowing that you are exactly where you are supposed to be. Any challenging internal state or circumstance can be transmuted to an opportunity to come more into alignment with the love that you are.

We take for granted the process of physical growth. If you see a child you assume that in time the child will be an adult. The body is programmed to grow, mature, and get older. The process of growing our emotional and spiritual bodies is the same in that it is programmed in us, except now we have choice to grow or not. When we are awake, we gain wisdom and understanding through our choices. The choices I made with my emotions when I was younger are greatly different than the choices I make today. And honestly, sometimes I cringe when I think of some of those choices but they were a result of my spiritual and emotional maturity at that time. I learned through years of happiness and heartache new ways of seeing that allow my choices now to come from a place of wholeness. All those choices had a place on my journey of waking up.

The point is to not keep making the same choices over and over. We become enlightened day by day to the degree we allow ourselves to roll with life and grow into a wiser version of ourselves. My knowing of who I am as spirit, eternal and limtless, can be the loving guide for this physical form weighed down with baggage. Your spirit knows how to be neutral to all these uncomfortable life experiences because they are the all important grinding stone in which spiritual truth can be revealed.

Given that, how come we can get into so much resistance to something that takes us out of our comfort zones? It is that very resistance that holds the light of change. It isn’t something to annihilate or deny, but perhaps something to explore. Under resistance, there is always fear. When you can be present with the fear, you might notice that the resistance lessens. Now there is some movement! Resistance comes with being in these bodies but we don’t have to become the resistance. When the spirit and body aren’t in good communication, the body gets in resistance. When you are communicating well with your body, acknowledging all the inner landscapes of feelings and thoughts, the body can relax and allow whatever is happening from a place of neutrality. There is nothing to fix!

As we grow spiritually, we become brighter and lighter. Doesn’t mean that you aren’t tested by life and your old baggage, in fact, it probably means you are tested more. We exercise our physical bodies to keep them strong and healthy and life exercises our inner bodies to grow them stronger.  The more you can handle, the more you will be asked to handle. It all has a purpose. And that can only be discovered by looking inside.